Starting Starters: Get hungry for justice!

Dear Readers, you wouldn't believe what a marvelous few days I've been having getting acquainted with Ms. Deen's Righteous Recipes.  The first section in the book is dedicated to appetizers, and since the majority of these recipes are short and simple, I decided that many of them could join forces in a single blog post.  This is not to say that each is not a carefully crafted statement about our need to return to a traditional, family-oriented society; rather, I simply cannot contain my eagerness to write about these various masterpieces.

Please remember that I will not be posting full recipes.  I would not rob the Beautiful Butterer of her profit margin, unlike some of the touchier peoples on this earth.  ONWARD!

Pecan and Cream Cheese-Stuffed Dates with DestinyThis delightful little hors d'oeurve features dates stuffed with cream cheese, pecans, and spices.  I applaud Paula's use of a desert fruit here; what's the point of conquering a people if you can't show off by serving their agricultural products?  As an added touch, the dainty bites are wrapped in bacon; observing who at your party refuses them is a subtle way of learning which of your neighbors you should keep an eye out for.

Hot Coercive Crab Dip with Cheddar

This intrepid dip is classic hot crab and cheese fare, with an undeniably bold (or should I say, willful) touch of hot sauce.  Adorably, Paula recommends that one serve this dish with crackers, proving that she can take it just as well as she can dish it out.  (But honestly, what other demographic is apt to attend a cocktail party?)

On the same page as the recipe, our Heroic Hostess offers a brilliant tip for ensuring that no crab shell ends up in your finished dish: before preparing the dip, spread the crabmeat onto a baking sheet in an even layer, and place in an oven set to 200 degrees F; the heat will turn the shells red, making them much easier to pick out of the white meat.  Incidentally, this is a great tactic to use on your so-called friends, too: exposing them to extreme temperatures will lead even the most stoic and dedicated plant to out himself as a Red.


Shore is Good Seafood DipI didn't have to give this one a cutesy name... the work was done for me by a far more clever (and charming, beautiful, elegant, graceful, etc.) lady than myself.

FINALLY, an entire three recipes into the book, we are given a taste of God's greatest gift to mankind: butter.  Until I read this entry, I was beginning to think that the sinister lobby of Malnutrition Maoists had brainwashed our sweet lady, but I suppose she was just keeping us on our toes; I like to think she'd be proud of me for catching that one.

Rest assured, Ms. Deen does render the poisonous bell pepper, onion, and celery in this recipe inert and safe to eat by sauteeing them in liquid gold.  Cream of shrimp soup, mayonnaise, parmesan cheese, crabmeat, shrimp, and white pepper are added to flesh out the dish.  If, like me, you're already salivating and can't wait for the amount of time it would take to make this dish yourself, it is available all across Our Land in the frozen section of Costco retailers.  Only, please, buy the dip and then leave immediately; with its red sign and long lines one has to stand in to buy bread, I think you all know what that "co" is short for.



There you have it, my loves.  I feel more like myself than ever before after preparing and imbibing these meals.  I feel the plight of our people pressing hard... and I feel the imminent turn of the tide and our subsequent victory even stronger.

After I have a cigarette and a nap, of course.



Deliciously Despotic,

Seguin